A note to myself

I just read my fellow counterparts' blogs. Many are not updated, just like mine until this entry. This suggests that they are like me, too tired and busy to blog, or perhaps just stunned into silence by the wars that we are waging internally and externally on a daily basis. Of course, some blogs are updated, the contents of which suggesting the very same problems (challenges, on a positive note) that I am facing.

Every morning, I grab my stuff, plug in my Philip earphones and set off to work. I begin each day with great positivity, so much that I sometimes surprise myself.

When our fellow HCPs speak to me over the phone as though I am anything or nothing, I told myself that I will only allow myself to get over the feeling of being belittled, not to brood over it. There is, to be honest, a lot of room for improvement. I will remember every of this phone calls and the lessons I learned from it.

When I make a packing error and get scolded for it. I make sure I remember how bad it feels to be given a dressing down in front of everyone. And I don't repeat it. In the long run, it's to everybody's benefit.

When I am assigned homework, I try very hard to do as much as possible. I know that this is probably the best and only chance to learn. If I am ever going to be anything, I am going to have to start some where, some time in my life. All great things have small beginnings. I don't want to look back and regret not trying hard enough. I know that being new at something is never a breeze; I guess I need stronger winds to dry my tears so that I can see the path ahead clearly.

I don't care what life throws at me. If it doesn't kill me, it will make me stronger.
I can cry and feel sad, as long as I know I can carry on after that.

Am I going to let the loser in me win hands down? I don't think so.

Ah qiu jia you!!! Everybody jia you!!!

Life thus far...

Grad night ended last week, almost everyone looked different, one or two looked so different that I didn't recognise them. Some looked like its their wedding...haha...HP, if you are reading this, I wanna say that you look so stunning :D.

Five weeks have passed since I first started PR, I spent the last 3 weeks in the store, packing thousands of tablets/capsules, running around the wards photocopying CD records, repacking and diluting 95% alcohol... speaking of which made me tipsy, haha...

My laoban asked me when my generation started experimenting with alcohol, seriously I don't really remember but I do have the impression that my curiosity towards alcohol was sparked off by some chinese poems. "抽刀断水水更流, 举杯消愁愁更愁" was the very line that made me wonder if I would ever have (the chance) to drown my sorrows in wine. I think that was during upper secondary. Let's just say that the above line was trying to tell us that some times things are very "tiao gang", the harder you try to make something happen, the more it doesn't want to happen. Anyway, it was around that period that I took my first sip of alcohol and I can't really appreciate it. I realised that I began to appreciate alcohol to a greater extent as I grew older. Its the gush of warm fuzzy feeling down your esophagus and into your stomach. In a way, the least that it tells you is that your upper GI's pretty intact. Nowadays, I "numb" myself every now and then, when the situation allows for it. For example, during weekends when I'm not working and don't have any work (mind you that this is a hypothetical situation that almost never happens).

One of today's MCQ was something about impending doom. Anaphylactic shock is often described by patients experiencing them as impending doom. I guess its relevant in a way as I have this feeling of impending doom whenever I think about going back to IP. Then again, I cannot explain the excitement I feel when I think about going to work. My sister recently commented that I am very bian tai cos I am a workaholic and I will never be happy with jobs that are too sin nang. She is right to a certain extent though the workaholic part is still a statement of contention.

ah qiu's convocation!

After 4 years of blood, sweat and tears, ah qiu finally graduated today :)

Just a few points 'cos I'm really tired out from all the photo-taking...

- felt pretty proud tt the valedictorian's from our class
- our robe's lilac :) a rare, romantic and soothing colour
- our robes make us look like wizards in harry potter
- i miss the days we spent in nus, lab or lecture theatre or canteen or toilet or anywhere
- i feel so so nostalgic
- my clothes were soaked in perspiration by the time I finished taking all the photos
- i have a pretty bad headache now
- i spent the night uploading the videos and pix
- thanks to my mum, dad, hairy, ah ma for making the trip there and taking photos with me or for me...

er...I need to reach the hospital at 8 tmr morning...zzz

last of all...those who owe me pix, pls send to me k... if i owe anybody pix, pls let me know too...if anyone wants to view my photo album, pls tell me, will send an invitation...

last last of all....Dear class, I am very proud to have known you guys and to have been in pharmacy.

My First Time :)

I sacrificed 15 minutes of my lunch time to dispense medicine to a real discharge patient who is very much alive.

She was a middle-aged lady who has a kind smile. I hope she recovers soon.

It's only 3 medications but it's a good start :)

Jia you.

Like Miss Chang, I love my job to bits so whatever I do mention here about my job will be rather non-specific to protect the anonymity of my patients and my colleagues. I will not bitch abt them (at least not here lor) at the risk of losing my job.

左边

總是 忍不住寂寞掉下眼淚 你才會給安慰
擔心短暫的晴天 隨時都可能被陰霾收回
等待有機會最壞也最甜美 我樂觀卻疲憊
因為太怕失去你 所以連快樂裡 都裝滿悲傷

你 不曾發覺 你總是用右手牽著我
但是心卻跳動在左邊 你和我之間的遙遠 永遠隔著親切愛少的可憐
伸出右手想陪著你向前走 感受你愛我的心跳在左邊
那麼深深愛你的我 相信你會了解

總在埋怨過你的冷漠之後 又急著說抱歉
彷彿 向疏遠的你乞求一點體諒 都是我不對
結果 有可能最美也最可悲 我做好準備

你 不曾發覺 你總是用右手牽著我
但是心卻跳動在左邊 你和我之間的遙遠 永遠隔著親切愛少的可憐
伸出右手想陪著你向前走 感受你愛我的心跳在左邊
那麼深深愛你的我 相信你會了解

我一直相信 總有一天 你會用左手 牽著我走向明天
也許太自由的你 心裡面那個家 誰也不能回
未來很遙遠 卻會實現 未心在同一邊 就能夠聽見 你說的那句我愛你

Today's accounts

Transport: $0.87 + $0.66 + 0.66 = $2.19

Food: $2.50 + $1.00 + $4.00 = $7.50

Total: $2.19 + $7.50 = $9.69

$_$

Thanks, grace chew :) you jia you too.

Did sth good today...will remember to pay more attention.

PR expenses thus far:

Monday
Transport to and fro: $0.87 x 2 = $1.74
Lunch with teh: $3.20
Total: $4.94

Tuesday
Transport to and fro: $0.87 x 2 = $1.74
Lunch at Qiji with teh: $3.70
Total: $5.44

Wednesday
Transport to and fro: $0.87 x 2 = $1.74
Lunch at canteen: $3.00
Total: $4.74

Total spendings for 3 days: $4.94 + $5.44 + $4.74 = $15.12

Wahaha.. If I can continue like that, my spendings will be an average of $5.00 a day. My target for the first month of PR is to control spending and am testing water with a target of <$300. If I can continue to curb spending, it shouldn't be difficult to hit target.

$_$